I had no intentions of being a so-called "Attachment Parent". In fact, I made fun of those Moms that co-slept and breastfed their babies well into toddlerhood. But, here I am... Co-sleeping more nights than not and still breastfeeding my now 16 month old toddler. He was 10 months old before I ever left him and that was with his Daddy. I have now left him with his Daddy literally a handful of times for a couple hair appointments, a couple Dentist appointments, and a couple Daddy/Son only trips to the store. We have left him with my Mom twice but not until he was- wait for it- 12 months old, once for less than 20 minutes to pop in and pay our respects to our sweet neighbor when her husband passed away and once for our first (and only) solo date post baby.
While I am so thankful that I learned about the Babywise method, it is something that- in full- just didn't take with us. The "Attachment Parent" way just came more naturally to me and I believe over everything that a Mother's instinct is a gift from God and to always go with that gut! That being said, I like to think of myself as a good mix of the two really.
We are the schedule and sleep Nazis and we are all better for it! Anyone that has been around us (or maybe I should say not been around us since the schedule and early bedtimes don't allow for many grown up activities) knows that we are- in fact- Nazis! I'm a routine person. I work best with a routine and a "norm" and Easton has grown up with a very well established routine and schedule with sleep (and eating) being a priority since Day One! He is better for it. He is a very happy little boy, and I believe that is because he knows that he is going to be fed at regular intervals and given sleep at the same times everyday when his little growing body needs it. He knows we aren't going to stretch him past the point of exhaustion- except for on the rarest of occasions.
I initially read Babywise because of its reputation for getting babies sleeping through the night as early as 6-12 weeks. Pre-baby, I couldn't imagine sleepless nights. I loved sleep and still do. I was that mom who was terrified that I wouldn't wake during the night when my baby cried out for me because I slept so hard before. Little did I know, I would hear "phantom cries" and wake to what I swore was a crying a baby just to find everyone was asleep but me. After reading it, I fell in love with the routine/schedule way of parenting. I knew that for so many reasons, it was right up my alley. What I didn't know was that the sleep training part, mainly the Cry-It-Out part, just wasn't for me and I have come to terms with the fact that is just OKAY! It's okay for it to NOT be for me same as its okay for it TO BE for others. As parents, we have to do what works for us and what feels right for us! I truly believe God directs us and gives us those parental instincts!
I think the "instinctive Attachment Parenting" kicked in when we brought our jaundiced baby home from the hospital when he was just 2 days old. When he was born, he weighed a whopping 9 lbs. and 4 oz. When we brought him home 2 days later, he had lost a little over a pound weighing in at 8 lbs. and 3 oz. The doctors informed me that the best way to help him with his jaundice and gaining back those crucial ounces he had lost was around the clock feeding. That meant waking him during the night to feed him until he got back up to his birth weight. It took him almost his whole first month of life to regain those 17 ounces and that was with waking up every 3-4 hours during the night to feed him. Not to mention, feeding him every 2-3 hours during the day. Between dealing with these issues in the first few weeks and wanting so badly to exclusively breastfeed, I often felt like his night wakings were due to hunger- at least for the first 6-9 months of his little life. Since then, I think we have just formed a comforting habit. I struggled with that for a long time, still clinging to my Babywise "education". I felt judged and guilty like I was doing something wrong, so much so, that I convinced myself to try letting him Cry-It-Out a little when he was about 9 months old. We gave it three nights of very mild CIO, there was nothing but even more sleep regression and fussiness that came from it. It truly broke my heart to let him cry and not comfort him. It wasn't until then that I truly embraced my parenting style and stopped fighting it.
Everything within me wants to comfort him when he is upset. If he wants me, night or day, I want to be there. If that means that he snuggles with us a little more during the night and he nurses a little longer than what is culturally "normal", than so be it. If it means that he hangs with us more and doesn't stay with a babysitter, there is nothing wrong with that. He will grow out of this stage soon enough. There will come a day when he is too cool for us and doesn't need us like he needs us now. So instead of fighting my instinctive nature, I'm embracing it and loving every second of it!
While I am still very thankful that I stumbled on Babywise and still use a lot of the Babywise method, it's OKAY to be a little bit of both!!
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